So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
