Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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