I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
