Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
