Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
