i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
