You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
