1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
People in love make me want to vomit
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The best revenge is premature balding
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
