Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
