I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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