Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
