so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
