I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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