community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
