Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
