Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
