If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
