Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
