Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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