it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
