apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
