He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
