That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
