How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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