also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
