im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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