Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
