Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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