I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
worst night to have a conscience
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
