i don't like sucking hair
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
