dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
