The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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