The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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