I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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