I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We talked him into tasing himself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
