i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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