My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
