So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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