SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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