listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize