is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
