Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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