If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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