Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
