You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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