yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
