Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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