is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
