Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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