She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
