Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Are we still banned from the library?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
