matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize