She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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