your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
