Whod you bang
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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