Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
