mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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