I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
