She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
