I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I did not marry a roomba.
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