I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
