Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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